We have such a weird relationship with sex. Fucking, eating and breathing, ’bout the only things I figure we’ve (the collective we) always done. There’s an especially bizarre relationship between women and sex in our society (and maybe most) where women are the pinnacle of sex, embody sex, are supposed to be irresistibly sexy, the objects of sexual desire…but seem to have little rein to own that desire themselves. Of course, on the other hand men are deigned to be constant conquerors, never to be the object of seduction themselves, or be coy, or chased. And nevermind that the whole things ‘posed to be a hetero affair.
For me, there’s often been a sense of shame or fear associated with sex. I’ve worried I’m not doing it right, or I don’t look right, my boobs look funny, there’s a pimple on my shoulder, am I into this enough, etc. Sometimes I think there is a cultural sense of guilt and shame around sex, leftover from our Puritanical genesis. It’s crazy that it has infected me, because I’m not religious. How infuriating to have left over religious hangups fucking up my psyche.
Or maybe it’s not. Maybe it is having been inundated with images of glistening, bronzed, plumped, sleek, thin, bouncing, sex, women leaning over luscious trying to sell-sell-sell. Sex does sell. It took me a long time to realize I don’t have to buy to be sexy, to have sexy. Sexy is just something we have all on our own. That is I think, advertising’s biggest secret, that they can’t sell us sexual energy. That we already have what we spend so much to buy.
But if sexual energy is already ours, so is this misplaced anxiety, this sense of fear, these inheritances from our religious roots and our commercial youth. And perhaps to find our way to that rightful spot of sexual power we must first battle past these demons of things left unsaid, self doubts, societal expectations…the works.
What does this mean for us real live human beings, trying to navigate sex in the 21st century?
For me, there has been a journey lately, of learning how to live sexy. I don’t mean how to look sexy, how to act sexy or how to be sexy for someone else. Rather, how do I invite sex into my life? How do I welcome sex, embrace sex, love and breathe and live sex? How do I have sex and never once think about what my body looks like (except that having sex is hot) , or wish I could have said this, or that…
Luckily we live in this digital age, and when I realize that there is a lack of people talking honestly about sex and their experiences, or I decide to educate myself, its easy as point and click. Sort of. I have a friend who says “awareness is the booby prize”, meaning it’s worth nothing without action.
In sex reeducation, that’s the fun part. Want to talk dirty? There’s a step by step guide on the nymphos page. Or we can start talking about sex, like these young folks. Or go watch some internet porn and don’t be ashamed of it.
There are lots of other people questioning this binary paradigm of commodified sex vs. sexual shame, and it has made the journey of reeducation a lot easier for me.
