I used to say, with a punk ass sneer dripping with my contempt for those tight clothes wearing foolios, “The only time I’llbe running is if somethings chasing me.” Ahhh…the arrogance of fit (if drug saturated) youth.
Well today I ran through the woods for a while, and nothing big or burly was huffing behind me. Here’s the scoop: See, about a year ago I stopped using a bicycle to get everywhere. And about a month ago I stopped being vegan, in favor of local foods supposedly, but I’ve been in a non-stop orgasmic frenzy with good cheese and ice cream. I fucking love ice cream. Being vegan for 2.5 years was very difficult for a girl who fucking really loves the moo cow products.
So after I stopped being a vegan, and stopped excercising regularly, I found two things- one, I did not flucuate back down to my summer weight after winter was over and in fact gained an additional 7 lbs or so.
I don’t mind the weight, and like my body very much. But if a month of not being vegan has added a little belly, I’m not quite sure what will happen in the next few years. Again, just to emphasize, I think thick is sexy, curves are cool, and I am not into the idea of skinny = good. But I am also very not into the idea that out of shape and pudgy (at least on me) = good either. I want my body to be powerful and agile. Not overweight. The thought of dieting horrifies me, as does watching what I eat but not being on a “diet”. I don’t want to fucking worry about what I eat, I want to eat when I want and what I want, within the normal boundaries of not engaging in gluttony (which I sometimes push anyways).
Second, I’m out of shape. I’m not tough anymore. I’m not strong. I miss my ability and confidence in my body that I had when I was riding bike every day.
So that all adds up to: today I went running. Not far, and I get super out of breath very easy, but a little, and that’s what matters. I know I won’t be a superstar runner right off, and my hope is to just do a little everyday. It was hard. I’m really bad at pushing myself past when I feel uncomfortable. Which is about 50 yards in at this point.
But afterwards, I feel terrific. And I can eat whatever the fuck I want today.
